I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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