My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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