did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
no you cant smoke seaweed
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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