first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize