My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
