vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
