how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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