She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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