Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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