I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
