dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
