Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
