i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
