get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
