Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
