sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
