Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
