you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
