I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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