I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
