So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
