When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
