it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
