found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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