mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
