the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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