If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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