thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
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Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
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oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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