Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
