i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
