oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
NoShamevember. You game?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
