I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
