very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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