He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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