hell yes lets make some ravioli
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
