i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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