He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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