i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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