dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
