he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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