I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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