Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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