my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He shit in the fireplace
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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