i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
