How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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