my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
