I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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