I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
