he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
should my penis look like a turkey
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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