I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
