Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
