how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
