is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i think my tv is drunk
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
