do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
