go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's rum buckets o'clock
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i out mim tonsoeep
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
