There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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