Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I love how my cats smell like pot.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
