Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
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I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
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YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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