I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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