wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
