Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
