apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
