so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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