If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just puked most of my soul out..
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