Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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