smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
