his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
