I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
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Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
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I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize