adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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