Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
